Is money tight at your house? Does it cause stress in your marriage? Are you the opposite of your spouse as far as spending? All of these things were true for me. God transformed my mind to have supernatural peace about finances, even though we were still spiraling deeper and deeper into debt.
I came to a point in my marriage when I was yelling at my husband for how he spent money. I was so stressed over money that I felt like I was drowning. My husband wanted to go out on a date, but we didn’t have the money, so I couldn’t enjoy it.
I was bitter against my husband for how he spent money, even though I had no idea that I was bitter. If your marriage is strained, you might be bitter and not know it. Get into the silence and ask God if you’re bitter. Then be quiet, and you’ll know the answer. Ask God to help you get rid of the bitterness if it’s there. Only God can supernaturally take it away.
To be honest with you, money is still tight at our house. But all the stress is gone. I have complete peace. I don’t even care if I end up in a cardboard box on the street with my family, because I trust God, and my marriage is sweet. I trust my husband. He can buy anything he wants, and I feel sweet and happy and don’t judge him. How can this be? Yes, we’re out of credit card debt, but we were in deep credit card debt for 10 years, and I had this supernatural peace way before we were out of debt.
In other words, if you can actually manage to hand this whole finances thing over to God for real, even in the middle of your horrible finances, your marriage can be sweet, and you don’t have to fight, even if you’re still in debt.
I explain this way more in my audio, where I go into tons of detail, but please ask me questions, my sweet friends. I want so badly for you to have peace in the area of finances, and you can have that peace today.
I’m giving away three copies of my testimony “Don’t Fight Over Finances.” If you want to enter the drawing, leave a comment. Here is a description of what I’m giving away, which you could actually purchase if you don’t win the drawing: Don’t Fight Over Finances. I will announce the winners (and e-mail them) on January 12, 2013.
Congratulations to the 3 winners of the giveaway, “Don’t Fight Over Finances”: Judi, Jane, and Brenda R. (I’m e-mailing each of you with the audio!)
I’m trying to learn to do what you did. It is HARD! I don’t have to examine my heart. I know I have bitterness over the finances.
Heavenly Father, I lift up Judi to you. You know that she loves You and doesn’t want to be bitter. She didn’t mean to become bitter in the first place. It just happened. Please take the bitterness out of her heart and help her to trust You. We place their finances in Your hand, and we ask that You work powerfully in their lives to set them free from debt. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I would love to learn how you did it. We are a military family and I think money is always an issue. And now we are homeschooling .( We are finding our way so its getting easier and Im learning tips where ever I can on how to save money with that).
Money is nearly always an issue with homeschooling families because they are usually on one income. You really have to think through any purchase you make because it affects whether you can pay the bills or not.
Wow, do I need this. I am so tired of literally scraping for pennies when he refuses to listen or even consider my opinions. I hold a lot of bitterness and resentment inside. It really eats away at me daily. I could really uses this help.
Thank You,
Jane
I’m praying for you, too. I was in the same situation and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t realize that my reaction to my husband was making matters worse. I looked up at God and said, “Help.” God is a God of miracles, and He changed my attitude. It was as if my attitude was standing in the way of my husband learning in the area of finances. Or maybe it was because my sweeter attitude caused me to have a sweeter marriage that suddenly he started paying attention to how he was spending money.
Same thing in my house. I try not to be bitter and angry, but it is so hard. I wait and save to purchase our school things, but am the only one that does this. It hurts sometimes.
God has provided my needs so many times when I had no money. I think that in my involuntary bitterness, I was forgetting that God was taking care of me. God took care of me even when big purchases were made without my consent. I would release it to God because God knew my situation. Ultimately God is responsible for providing for me, not my husband.
I meant I am the only one that waits and saves up money for purchases.
I know how that feels.
Early in our marriage, I would get mad if Ken couldn’t account for every nickel (literally) or if he spent any money on what I considered a non-essential. After I read “Created to be His Help Meet” I loosened up, fully expecting our finances to fall apart. Our finances actually changed very little. When I stopped micromanaging Ken, he stepped up and took responsibility. I don’t like every choice he makes, but I know that I’m much happier now than I was then. And really, how much difference will all this make in light of eternity.
I think we don’t even realize that we are trying to micromanage our men, but we do. When we step aside, like you said, the man takes more responsibility. This definitely happened in my own marriage. The process is gradual, but the bitterness can be gone instantly when we cry out to God and open our hearts for Him to change us.
All I know is that God’s way works and my way is exhausting!
My hubby will agree to whatever changes we come up with and then spend the same way as always. I had to really rely on God when hubby lost his job but acted like there was money coming in. We lost our home and only car and had to move our family of 6 into my parents home all while we were expecting our youngest. This was 1 1/2 years ago. I was at peace with it all but now our entire family is a mess training went out the window and he still won’t look for a job. I know I am bitter about a lot of different things but it all comes from this.
It sounds like your husband needs male accountability from church to make sure the negative quality of laziness is not causing him to sin by not taking care of his family. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (I Timothy 5:8) A male authority in his life needs to rebuke him, so that at the very least he does everything he can to find a job. This is why a fellowship of believers is crucial to functioning as believers. You can’t do that as his wife, or you will fall under the category of nag. (I used to do this, which is why I know.)
As a wife, though, you can yield to your husband and lean on him as if he were the Lord. I know this sounds bizzare, but when you honor your husband and love him dearly and believe the best in him (despite evidence to the contrary), it causes your husband to become a better man. But he must be held accountable by another believer.
Excellent post, Susan! Every bit of advice was right on. Strife will never solve the problem, only aggravate it. In our family, I was the spender, he was the non-spender, but wouldn’t take any place in helping to manage our finances. Now, through God’s working in our hearts, we’re on the road to financial freedom and blogging about it at http://www.thefrugalfamer.net .
And I can’t over-emphasize the power of prayer and the power of love in a situation like this. Walk in love with your hubbies, and pray, pray, pray for wisdom for them and for them to get closer to the Lord. It might take awhile, but it works!!!!
I agree that prayer makes a big difference. Also, allowing God to build endurance in your character so that you can have supernatural patience with your spouse helps.