There was once a woman from church who had wounded me deeply with her cold and heartless behavior, and after humbling myself to her, she still didn’t care. Every time I thought of her, a lump would rise in my throat and I wanted to cry. What she had done was wrong.
Years passed, and I prayed for her every day. God gave me such a huge love for her. Every time I saw her at church, I felt happy to see her, and I smiled sincerely. But we had the unresolved issue, which tore at my heart. Sometimes at night I couldn’t sleep, and I would obsess about what I could do to make things right. Maybe I could humble myself more. Maybe if I said just the right thing, we would be real friends instead of fake friends, pretending that everything was okay when it wasn’t.
Sometimes months would go by without my thinking about it. And then suddenly, I would be sitting in the dark living room in the middle of the night, crying about it. Would it ever go away?
My husband was so patient, and many times after talking to him about it or praying, it would go away. But then it would come back again.
Finally one day I called my mentor and talked to her about it. I said, “I know that I’m sinning. Please rebuke me. I have no idea what the heart of the problem is. Maybe I’m bitter against her. But I feel sweet towards her every week when I see her at church. Am I bitter? Please tell me how to get rid of this sin. I’ll do whatever it takes. Anything. Just tell me what to do.”
“Susan,” said my mentor gently. “You are not bitter. If you feel no anger when you see her, that is not the issue. All it is, is this: you are being tempted by the enemy to think about it. When it presents itself to your mind, you have not sinned yet. It is just a temptation. Throw it out the minute it comes into your mind.”
Those words set me free. Even though the situation was unresolved at that point, I had complete peace in my heart and never thought of it again.
This is how powerful a mentor can be for you. That’s why Scripture commands it in Titus 2. My mentor has done this countless times in my life. When I have sin, I call her, rip open my soul, and let her have at it. She will pinpoint sin. It will hurt. She will help me get rid of it. Then it is gone, and a burden is lifted.
Your church probably has gray-haired women just sitting there, desperately wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. Instead they are treated like babies and talked down to like babies. Many of these gray haired women are a treasure trove of wisdom. Go ahead and get to know them.
You are spot-on with this couple of posts!
Several years ago, I was blessed to be invited (as a young twentysomething) to a Red Hat Society chapter. I spent a great couple of years as a Pink Hatter, and the Red Hatters’ experience and compassion supported me so much through work stresses, a bad relationship, and other trials I didn’t have any other girlfriends to share with.
Although I had to give up being an official member of the chapter a couple of years ago, I’m certain it was God’s will: several of those wonderful ladies attend the same church, so they invited me–and my family found its church home! THAT’s what made Hatting move over in my schedule. I didn’t even have to give up my new friends, and I found a new one, too–Jesus!
Thank you for this post-I am dealing with something similar, and your mentors words have helped me as well. Throwing it away now. 🙂
Definitely agree with you. I think a lot of elderlies do want to contribute, and they definitely have a lot to offer, but the environment/communities limit them unnecessary. I don’t come across many people who volunteer such insights, and yours is certainly rare! You have something special in you! Keep that flame burning! Merry Christmas and God bless!
Thinking about the hard situation with the lady who hurt you and didn`t care, maybe after prayer you could have taken it to the next level, confronting again WITH the grey haired mentor or pastor as it says in the Word.. I understand this type of slander as it has happened to us also, more than once. Unfortunately we didn`t handle it as well as you did in prayer 🙁 and took many years to recover from. God is able to restore the years the locust has eaten however, is my hope. 🙂
Yes, confrontation is appropriate where there is a possibility that the other person is open to hear. When you can see clearly that they are closed to hearing anything, the best you can do is pray that God will open their eyes, because only God can. Trying to reason with someone does nothing when Scripture tells us that the enemy blinds us to our sin. Only God can lift the blinders.