The hardest part of being a missionary kid for me was saying good-bye to people that I loved. When my best friend left to the United States after having known her my whole life, I felt disoriented and lost. She knew me. I didn’t have to explain myself. She believed the best in me. I assumed that she would always be there, but her family moved back to the U.S., and I was left in Guatemala without her.

I slumped into a depression that I was unable to recover from for years. I suddenly had no sense of belonging. Of course I never belonged in Guatemala. But I belonged with my best friend.

I made other friends, and I was forced to say good-bye to them and never to see them again. It’s like going to a funeral every few years. Either MK’s learn to harden up and not let people close, or they continue to let people in and feel the stinging pain of loss every time we say good-bye.

Here is a video where many MK’s share a similar story to mine, where their loss is captured in words:

Here are some of their comments:

• Because I’m an MK, I will always have somewhere or somebody to miss.
• I think losses have just become something very normal and expected in life.
• The weird thing about saying good-bye so often is that, at least for me, you don’t actually get used to it. You can either get used to it and become hardened against it and not want to attach to anyone, or you can remain loving just as hard, and it’s still hurting as much every single time.
• Because I’ve said good-bye so many times, I expect to say good-bye to people when I meet them.
• Because I’ve said so many good-byes, it’s a little bit harder for me at first to open up.
• You always have a sense of longing for what could have been, but of course, there is nothing you can do about it, so you just live with the reality that you’ve lost it. It’s gone. It’s never coming back.
• I used to not want to meet new people because I was going to say good-bye to them.
• I often distance myself from people because I realize that I might leave them at some point.
• So I go into a relationship, thinking that I’m going to lose it. But I do get close to them. It’s not that I draw back. It’s just know that I’m going to lose it.
• Having to say good-bye all the time doesn’t mean it gets easier.
• Even though I get attached to people, I still feel that I hold them at arm’s length. I don’t expect them to really care enough to stick around.
• My mind set now is to enjoy every moment of life.

How can missionaries help their children to overcome this loss and grief for Mk’s that is a normal part of their lives? They can help their kids prepare for good-byes and understand the process of grief. They can encourage their kids to continue to value relationships while knowing that some of them will not last. They can encourage their kids to love others regardless of the pain of an eventual separation.

And the truth is that if those relationships are real, they can last a lifetime. My best friend is still my best friend, even though we live thousands of miles away from each other. We call each other once a week and talk for over an hour. We visit each other every few years. And she still knows and loves me more than anyone, except for maybe my husband!

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