Bahamas Trip (Part 1): Hurricane Season

February 15th, 2012

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I had always wanted to go to the Bahamas on my honeymoon. It was one of those exotic vacations you dream about when you’re a young girl. My real honeymoon turned out a lot sadder than anticipated, but at least I was grateful to God for giving me a wonderful, godly husband.

Our entire marriage we have been broke. To go on a sweet vacation with my husband seemed out of the question. But then last summer, after the worst year of my husband’s life, God supernaturally made it happen. God is so good and gives us unexpected gifts when we need them the most.

I won’t go into why the year was so rough on my husband, but needless to say his worst nightmares came true, bringing pain from the past to the present. But God brought us through it. We somehow got to the other side of the pain, when time has dulled the memory of things that should have never happened. God has given us the grace to forgive and to move on.

But both my husband and I were nearly incapacitated. We were both burned out from so much emotional turmoil. We were going through the motions of life without actually living it. I decided to take the summer off from my blog, and I begged God to help me resuscitate my husband so that he would look alive again because he had a resigned look in his eyes. He sort of looked dead to me.

I got it in my head that I wanted to take him to the Bahamas, but that was a ridiculous pipe dream. We didn’t have money for such nonsense. Then lo and behold, we got a check in the mail from a distant relative. A large check. I had sent her a copy of my missionary kid book, and she was impressed that I was an author, and she wanted to support me.

After researching for quite a while, I found a ridiculously low price on a cruise, less than half of what it would normally cost. Little did I know that the reason for the cost discrepancy was that it was the worst week for hurricane season in the Bahamas. No refunds would be given if you threw up the entire time, being tossed to and fro on the ship.

But ignorance is bliss, and I had no idea it was hurricane season. So I booked the cruise for its rock bottom price. Then we were looking for plane tickets, and right when my husband was about to book the plane tickets online, I was on my knees beside the computer, praying that the prices would go down. While I was still praying, the prices dropped by $100 each. My husband booked them.

It all happened so quickly just a couple of weeks before the trip, and everything was falling into place…

(Stay tuned for part 2, where God provided a wardrobe for my Bahamas trip, straight out of my dreams for almost no money at all…)

How to Kiss Your Husband

February 14th, 2012

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If all you do is give a peck to your husband, you’re missing out on some great fun. Why not surprise your husband with a fabulous kiss that will knock his socks off?

Go drink some water first to make sure your mouth isn’t dry. But your lips need to be dry. Not dry like the Sahara, mind you, but dry to the touch. If your lips are so dry that they’re cracking, go put on some lip gloss. Not chapstick. That’s for men. Not lipstick. You’ll get that all over your husband’s mouth, and he’ll look like he’s been punched in the mouth.

Lip gloss is what I said, but it’s better to have dry lips. That’s because you have more control over your movements and aren’t all over the place like an out-of-control innertube. Yep. Sloppy, big old puppy kisses are for dogs and drooling babies. Your lips need to be dry.

Now you have to have a certain look in your eyes. The look is one of confidence, love, and desire. Desiring your spouse is pleasing to God, which is why He has a whole book of the Bible dedicated to the subject. If you don’t know what book it is, go read your Bible. It starts with the word “song,” implying that this will make you want to sing. You’ll get more how-to ideas there if you have any imagination whatsoever.

Back to the kiss. Go ahead and start kissing him. Your mouth needs to be open, not closed; soft lips, not hard. Do not focus on technique, or it will never be out of this world. This is the key, so pay close attention: you need to inwardly open yourself up completely. This inward opening is called vulnerability, and somehow the kiss is crazy good when this happens. Your husband will find this kind of kiss irresistible, and one thing will lead to another. So make sure your kids are in bed.

The other thing you can do is throw water on it. I’m talking about the kiss. Throw water on the kiss, and it will be wonderful. Yes, I know, I just told you to have dry lips, and that’s true about most kisses. But this is a completely different experience. Ocean waves, a swimming pool, a shower, a lake, or any wet environment will do. You don’t even need instructions for this, since it’s always good. If you’ve never kissed while being surrounded by water, go do it right now. I remember my first wet kiss… It was raining, and my husband pulled me out into the rain and kissed me passionately. I didn’t even care that my watch was being ruined. That was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.

A Getaway with Your Husband

February 10th, 2012

getaway-with-your-husbandFind out how to have a  getaway with your husband on a small budget. I will be sharing about how God gave me back the honeymoon I never had, and how God provided miraculously every step of the way on my perfect getaway to the Bahamas. I will also give you ideas on more local getaways that are doable, and how your marriage needs this kind of refreshment.

Join me with Beth Jones on February 13th at 1pm Central (11am Pacific) for a live radio show, where I will share how to have “A Getaway with Your Husband.” At the right time, click here.

For those of you who wanted to come but missed it, here is the recording: (Length: 1:37:59)

Worst Valentines Day Gifts (Top 10)

February 9th, 2012

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These are the top 10 worst Valentines Day gifts ever:

  1. Droopy, wilted flowers.
  2. A cage of mice infected with the Bubonic plague.
  3. Jumbo pack of breath spray.
  4. Formaldehyde.
  5. Live spiders.
  6. Raw, moldy steak with stale cake.
  7. A punch in the face.
  8. A pet snake with venom.
  9. A Dear John Valentines Day card.
  10. A bathroom scale.