Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

A Wild Submission

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

submissionSomeone recently asked me what was the key to my great marriage. How do I even begin to explain the inward oneness that I have with my husband?

It’s not like I don’t have my own personality. My husband was once asked who my daughter takes after, and he said, “She’s wild, just like her mother.” I looked at my husband when he said this, and he was smiling at me, so I took it as a compliment. I certainly am no doormat. But I don’t start off a conversation with my husband hardened in my own opinion (at least not usually). I come with a complete openness. I ditch whatever is in my head, and I take on what is in my husband’s head. His mind trumps mine. Many times I permanently drop my former opinion, because now that I think of something from my husband’s point of view, I realize that he’s right.

Even if he’s not right, there’s no way for me to influence his thinking unless I fully understand his position. Just so you know, this is called listening. Men wish their wives listened to them. Wives don’t. They stand there and wait for their husband to finish blathering whatever they have to say. Then the wife spouts her own opinion.

Listening to your husband, by the way, is crucial to submission. How can you follow your husband when you have no idea where he is going and don’t even care?

One of my biggest problems in learning how to submit to my husband was that I felt strongly about everything. It’s just the way God made me. This isn’t necessarily sin. But I thought that if I felt more strongly about something than my husband did, it was only fair that I get my way. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t letting my husband lead. To avoid conflict, a man will just back off. It’s way less work. But then the wife isn’t happy either, because she resents the fact that her husband isn’t leading. And it’s her fault.

Most women think of submission as having to crucify their own personality, but this is not true at all. Yes, you must crucify SIN that happens to be a part of your personality, but that’s not who you truly are. If you are saved, the core of your being is a new creation, and you are now a saint. Your deepest desire is to please God. Sin has no part of that. You can get rid of sin without losing who you are. Yes, getting rid of sin is painful, but you feel so much more pure afterwards. There’s a singing in your soul that makes you more lovely to your husband, and a better mom, too. Crucifixion of sin causes you to hold more of God within you. And the Spirit of God brings peace and joy to your home.

Click here to find out more about how to submit to your husband.

A Perfect Example of Submission

Monday, October 17th, 2011

submission-2The Trinity has always fascinated me, especially the relationship of Christ to the Father. Christ yields His will to the Father. Then the Father glorifies the Son. And the Holy Spirit glorifies the other two. It’s like “You take the last chocolate.” “No, You…” And all of them are selfless, even though they are God and created the universe, and if anyone deserves to be prideful it’s God.

But going back to God the Son, who by the way is not inferior to God the Father, but chooses to submit willingly so that there is only one will… The reason two different people can be one is due to the submission of the one, and the selflessness of the other. The reason women find it usually impossible to submit is because of the selfishness of their husbands. But let’s just say that you submitted anyway, and then suddenly your husband realized that you were following him. And that somehow starts to make him a better man, because he doesn’t want to lead you to the wrong place.

One time while taking a theology class at church, we were talking about the Trinity, and I had an epiphany, you know, an “Aha!” moment. I realized that God had to be three and no other number because of the crucifixion. God the Son had to have the sin of the world put onto Him. God the Father couldn’t look at sin and had to turn His back. So there had to be God taking sin into Himself, but God can’t take sin into Himself. Divine irony. Then you have to have the Holy Spirit to raise Jesus from the dead, because Jesus was dead. He had to have a human body to actually die. Hence the Trinity has to be three and no other number.

Well, a marriage is two, and to actually be one, one will has to go under the other. It’s just the way it has to be. The sad reality is that both people have to be selfless for it to work. But you are both still on this earth trapped in your flesh, which has as its default option “serve myself.” Hence the problems in marriage.

In that same theology class, I came to the conclusion that Jesus actually had separate thoughts and a will that was different than the Father during the Garden of Gethsemane the night before His crucifixion. He felt a high level of anxiety about taking on the sin of the world. He didn’t want to do it. The will of Jesus had to die so that the will of the Father could be accomplished.

As a wife, my will must die. (Believe it or not, my husband’s will has also died, which makes our marriage beautiful, because he doesn’t look out just for his own interests, but for mine. He truly cherishes me as his own body.) But my point to wives is that your will must die. Your will has to die for God to rule you anyway.

So when my husband walks into the room, I want to know what his will is, because that’s my will. Any man will tell you that’s the perfect wife. And the funny thing is that when I don’t assert my will is when God fills my needs anyway. Because God knows what I need, and in my rebellion of asserting my will, I am grabbing the reins of my own life. Selfishness will never lead me anywhere that is good. It will only make me miserable.

For more information about how to submit, listen to “My Submission Story.”

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

Shut Up, Woman! (Part 2)

Friday, October 14th, 2011

shut-up-woman-2When I told my husband what this bigot had said to me, his first reaction was, “How dare you talk this way to my wife? What gives you any authority at all over my wife?!”

The first Scripture that popped into my husband’s head was Proverbs 31. The Proverbs 31 woman conducted business with men without her husband present, and she had the full authority of her husband to be independent in this manner. She was also independent in ruling over her household activities. My own husband gives me freedom to research homeschooling materials and buy whatever I feel is right for our family. He also supports my online homeschool business, and he travels with me to homeschool conferences, and he allows me to be in the limelight. He enjoys that I’m a ham and I love the camera. I once saw him in the back of the room while doing my “Using Journals to Teach Writing” workshop at a homeschool conference. He was so proud of me, his eyes shone.

My husband rules me. But he cherishes me and is selfless. He loves who I am and I don’t feel suffocated. There is fresh air here where I live. I yield my thoughts to my husband, and I take on his thoughts, and he influences my mind, and I draw closer to God and feel excited in my spirit. The mystery of Christ and the church is here, where we are told to yield our spirits to Christ, and there is true freedom, and we are one, and it feels right to the core of my being.

But Proverbs 31 (which, by the way, is the iconic image of the godly woman) is not what my husband used to knock down what this man said. Instead, he poked holes in the man’s argument. Here is what he wrote:

I read your interpretation of 1 Timothy to mean that no woman should ever make any public statement that might instruct or advise a man. Is that correct? I consider this to be a very rigid interpretation. I understand this interpretation and I understand from whence it comes, yet I disagree with it. Still, given that this is what you believe, I’m curious: If a woman has no liberty to speak where a man might learn then what makes you think that a man has any liberty to speak to another man’s wife? Particularly, sir, when dispensing advice on life and Godliness? Are you now responsible for my wife’s soul?

If your application of 1 Timothy is really that strict, then might I suggest that you direct complaints about my wife’s behavior to me, since I don’t think Scripture provides any liberty to speak to another man’s wife in that manner.

Now then, I don’t actually believe that is a proper application, otherwise, Priscilla was way out of line when she and Aquila instructed Apollos. (I suppose you might try to redeem your argument by claiming that this was acceptable because she was with her husband at the time, but then how do you know I was not with my wife when she wrote her blog post?)

I’ve been fervently and diligently searching the Word for at least as long as you, and I’ve found that, generally, when someone appeals to the authority of Scripture with statements like, “The Bible is very clear,” then they are preparing to follow up with claims that are not that clear, just as you have done. And I’m not sure if you were trying to sound prideful and arrogant when you accused Susan of being prideful and arrogant, but you nailed it if you were.

I could go on, but this is already wearisome to me…”

As you can see, my husband is my hero, and he has my full allegiance. I gladly yield to the man that God has put in authority over me.

Shut Up, Woman! (Part 1)

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

shut-up-womanBefore I continue with more posts about submission, I must make absolutely clear that the Bible never states that all women should be subject to all men, or that any random man has authority over you as a woman. This is straight from the pit of hell, and it causes women to react so strongly that they refuse to submit sweetly to their own husbands, which is sexy and beautiful and has nothing to do with inferiority.

I got a furious comment from a man about my “What Men Can Do to Lead their Wives Spiritually” post. He basically said, where do I get off telling men what to do? He slammed me with random Scriptures that were completely taken out of context. My initial reaction was this:

“I am only a sister in Christ helping my brothers in Christ as friends. I am not standing up in the church and teaching anything, and I have my husband’s authority that he is in agreement with what I have written here. If men did these things, their wives would be facilitated in following their husbands. This is the truth, and I boldly proclaim it to the world, and I will not be intimidated by you. If your ears are plugged to half the body of Christ, you are walking in sin, my dear brother.”

He responded, Scripture, Scripture, show me the Scripture. Yes, sir. Here is my official answer:

By half the body of Christ, I meant women. Women comprise half the church, and God commands us to submit one to another in the body of Christ (Ephesians 5:21), that there is no difference between male and female (Galatians 3:28), and that we are each to regard the other person as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). Furthermore, we are COMMANDED to use our spiritual gifts in the body of Christ (I Corinthians 12, Romans 12, Ephesians 4). Miriam led the entire people of Israel in worship to God. God Himself chose prophetesses in the Old Testament, who were commanded to speak to the people, who included men. In all fairness, I believe that men were supposed to do this, but that there were NO GODLY MEN.

Scripture does say that women are to be silent in the church (I Corinthians 14:34-35). I will not ignore this Scripture, because I believe there was a reason for it. Women are easily deceived (I Timothy 2:14), probably because of emotion and hormones. Many times something seemed right to me, but after talking with my husband, I set my emotion aside and engaged my brain in a more objective manner. Then I saw the situation more clearly. Whether you believe this or not doesn’t matter, though. What matters is full obedience to the Word of God, and God’s direct command is for women to submit ONLY to their own husbands.

Men are commanded to be the spiritual head of their wives most clearly in Ephesians 5:25-27, but also in I Corinthians 11:3. Titus 2:5 says that we as wives are to be subject to our own husbands, and Ephesians 5:24 says we are to be subject to our husbands in everything, and that would include being washed by the Word by our husbands. Everywhere in Scripture where men’s and women’s roles are mentioned (Colossians 3:18 is another one), the husband leads and the wife submits to his authority. And actually, if a man cherishes his wife, this whole submission thing is WONDERFUL. It’s sexy and awesome and it works.

(Stay tuned for how my husband defended me from this bigot in “Shut Up, Woman!” Part 2…)