Posts Tagged ‘listening’

Top 10 Ways to Listen to Your Spouse

Monday, February 11th, 2013


Couples often say that their spouse doesn’t listen to them. Here are the top 10 ways to listen to your spouse:

  1. See the situation through the other person’s eyes. You’ll be able to change their mind easier if you know exactly where they are coming from.
  2. Ask questions to clarify what they are saying.
  3. Don’t let your mind wander. Listen for the main idea so you can make sense out of what they’re saying and respond correctly.
  4. Don’t antagonize them. “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
  5. Part of loving a person is enjoying them. Care about what they care about.
  6. Look at the person who is talking to you. Don’t be distracted by other things. Stop what you are doing.
  7. Don’t be impatient, shaking your leg and wanting to be out of there.
  8. Paraphrase occasionally to make sure you understand what they are saying.
  9. Create an environment where your spouse feels safe and loved and not judged.
  10. Treat them how you would like to be treated.

Listening requires time and effort, but it’s worth it because you end up with a greater oneness in your marriage.

For some fun examples of how to listen to your spouse, watch this free webinar: “Listening to Your Husband.”

Linked to Sheila Gregoire’s blog hop.

Listening to Your Husband

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

listening-to-your-husbandIs listening to your husband something you do naturally? Does your husband ever say, “You’re not listening to me!?”

The most important part of communication is listening. If you don’t understand your husband, how can you expect to influence his heart and to have true oneness in your marriage? Join Alan and Susan Evans as they talk about marriage once again, and the importance of listening. This topic applies to homeschooling, because both the husband and wife should be in agreement about what you do in your home. Listening is not something that comes naturally to most people, and it is crucial to having a good marriage.

Join us on Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 3:30pm Central (1:30pm Pacific). Click here to join us live on the Homeschool Channel.

If you missed our previous marriage webinar, “Don’t Let Homeschooling Ruin Your Marriage,” you can watch the replay here.

Here is an outline of what we covered:

  • Listening is crucial to understanding another person, especially in marriage. In order to have oneness in your marriage, you need to know how the other person is thinking about something.
  • Many Scriptures mention the importance of listening. (James 1:9, Proverbs 12:15, Philippians 2:3, Romans 12:3, Galatians 6:3, Proverbs 18:3)
  • When I’m interrupting, it’s because I’m putting myself first. So listening really requires you to esteem the other person as more important than yourself. (That’s what love is.)
  • Pride causes you to plug your ears to the other person, so humility is required for listening.
  • Before listening fully to what somebody is saying, if you’re formulating in your mind what you’re going to say next, you are not listening. (Scripture says it’s to your folly and your shame to act this way.)
  • Why do men stop talking to their wives? They want to avoid conflict.
  • Be positive in your interactions with your husband instead of negative.
  • If you have not listened to your husband in previous conversations, there is no reason that your husband would want to talk to you, because you don’t listen to him anyway. Or we haven’t followed through on what our husbands wanted us to do because we didn’t prioritize it. We just forgot because it wasn’t important to us.
  • Both people in a conversation have an agenda. This is what makes communication difficult.
  • Expecting people to behave in a certain way and then getting angry when it doesn’t happen is not constructive. It’s selfishness.
  • The only person you can change is yourself.
  • Ask questions to fully understand your husband.
  • You need to create an environment where your spouse feels safe and loved and not judged.
  • Women sometimes inadvertently attribute wrong motives to their husbands, thereby hurting themselves. They twist what their husband is saying. I give a humorous example (but I was deeply hurt at the time).
  • When you are talking to a man, try to get to the point and not go on and on. Otherwise it’s so much work for your husband to listen to you, and he doesn’t have the mental energy to do it.
  • We talked about what to do when you have opposite views on something.
  • Just because your husband is not doing things your way doesn’t mean he’s not listening to you. He can be listening to you and walking by the Spirit and choose the opposite of what you want. That can be godly and correct on his part. (It ended up that the opposite of what I wanted was better for me in the example I gave.)
  • Try to see the situation through his eyes. This will help immensely in listening. You will have a greater influence on his heart and mind.
  • If you are sinning (with gossip, slander, anger, complaining, etc.) and your husband refuses to listen to you, he is doing the right thing to stop you from sinning further.
  • Rely on God to make you a better person in your marriage. The couples that cling to God as the only strength they really have are the ones that will make it, says my husband.


A Wild Submission

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

submissionSomeone recently asked me what was the key to my great marriage. How do I even begin to explain the inward oneness that I have with my husband?

It’s not like I don’t have my own personality. My husband was once asked who my daughter takes after, and he said, “She’s wild, just like her mother.” I looked at my husband when he said this, and he was smiling at me, so I took it as a compliment. I certainly am no doormat. But I don’t start off a conversation with my husband hardened in my own opinion (at least not usually). I come with a complete openness. I ditch whatever is in my head, and I take on what is in my husband’s head. His mind trumps mine. Many times I permanently drop my former opinion, because now that I think of something from my husband’s point of view, I realize that he’s right.

Even if he’s not right, there’s no way for me to influence his thinking unless I fully understand his position. Just so you know, this is called listening. Men wish their wives listened to them. Wives don’t. They stand there and wait for their husband to finish blathering whatever they have to say. Then the wife spouts her own opinion.

Listening to your husband, by the way, is crucial to submission. How can you follow your husband when you have no idea where he is going and don’t even care?

One of my biggest problems in learning how to submit to my husband was that I felt strongly about everything. It’s just the way God made me. This isn’t necessarily sin. But I thought that if I felt more strongly about something than my husband did, it was only fair that I get my way. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t letting my husband lead. To avoid conflict, a man will just back off. It’s way less work. But then the wife isn’t happy either, because she resents the fact that her husband isn’t leading. And it’s her fault.

Most women think of submission as having to crucify their own personality, but this is not true at all. Yes, you must crucify SIN that happens to be a part of your personality, but that’s not who you truly are. If you are saved, the core of your being is a new creation, and you are now a saint. Your deepest desire is to please God. Sin has no part of that. You can get rid of sin without losing who you are. Yes, getting rid of sin is painful, but you feel so much more pure afterwards. There’s a singing in your soul that makes you more lovely to your husband, and a better mom, too. Crucifixion of sin causes you to hold more of God within you. And the Spirit of God brings peace and joy to your home.

Click here to find out more about how to submit to your husband.