Here are some wacky travel tips, in case you are traveling by airplane any time soon:
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If your feet stink, don’t take your shoes off in the airplane. But for people with non-stinky feet, taking your shoes off makes you feel so much better. Your mood will improve. So go ahead and make yourself comfortable.
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If the seat beside you is not occupied, put up the arm rest, and you can actually sit cross-legged. If not, stand in the aisle and do stretches. Don’t be self-conscious. Everyone else will be jealous of you, that you have the audacity to do what they are hankering to do themselves.
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Don’t step into the airplane bathroom without your shoes on. The floor is suspiciously sticky.
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Don’t go to the bathroom in an airplane that has turbulence when you’re trying not to sit down or even touch the toilet seat. You will only add to the stickiness of the floor.
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Be aware that you will be ravenously hungry all day, since the airlines have decided to starve their passengers. Go ahead and bring food in your bag so you don’t faint.
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Time goes by much faster if you watch a movie, even if it’s lame. I watched the same movie three times on three different airplanes within the same week, and it was much better the third time around when I had earphones. It was actually funny, and it made more sense. (The first couple of times, my husband and I did voice-overs and tried to guess what was going on.)
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Kindness is better than yelling at people. A mother was fuming about her rights, because she had been seated apart from her 12-year-old. No one rewarded her rude behavior by changing seats. On the other hand, when I was seated apart from my husband on the way to the Bahamas, I told the people around me that I was finally going on the honeymoon I never had. It took no time before everyone had re-arranged themselves to make sure I was sitting next to my husband. I told everyone they were awesome, and they smiled at me.
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I’m not sure why being degraded and humiliated by the archway of nudity and shame is acceptable in our society. (I’m talking about the body scanner.) If you are a woman who has any abuse in your background, go directly to the pat-down area. Yes, it’s invasive, but there’s no way you’ll go through that archway.
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If you only have one carry-on when you’re traveling, it’s much simpler. Your baggage doesn’t get shipped to Tahiti.
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And now for number 10. Drum roll please… I never knew this, but most airline seats now have head rests that are bendy. So go ahead and bend the head rest into a U-shape and pretend you’re taking a nap…
