Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Shut Up, Woman! (Part 2)

Friday, October 14th, 2011

shut-up-woman-2When I told my husband what this bigot had said to me, his first reaction was, “How dare you talk this way to my wife? What gives you any authority at all over my wife?!”

The first Scripture that popped into my husband’s head was Proverbs 31. The Proverbs 31 woman conducted business with men without her husband present, and she had the full authority of her husband to be independent in this manner. She was also independent in ruling over her household activities. My own husband gives me freedom to research homeschooling materials and buy whatever I feel is right for our family. He also supports my online homeschool business, and he travels with me to homeschool conferences, and he allows me to be in the limelight. He enjoys that I’m a ham and I love the camera. I once saw him in the back of the room while doing my “Using Journals to Teach Writing” workshop at a homeschool conference. He was so proud of me, his eyes shone.

My husband rules me. But he cherishes me and is selfless. He loves who I am and I don’t feel suffocated. There is fresh air here where I live. I yield my thoughts to my husband, and I take on his thoughts, and he influences my mind, and I draw closer to God and feel excited in my spirit. The mystery of Christ and the church is here, where we are told to yield our spirits to Christ, and there is true freedom, and we are one, and it feels right to the core of my being.

But Proverbs 31 (which, by the way, is the iconic image of the godly woman) is not what my husband used to knock down what this man said. Instead, he poked holes in the man’s argument. Here is what he wrote:

I read your interpretation of 1 Timothy to mean that no woman should ever make any public statement that might instruct or advise a man. Is that correct? I consider this to be a very rigid interpretation. I understand this interpretation and I understand from whence it comes, yet I disagree with it. Still, given that this is what you believe, I’m curious: If a woman has no liberty to speak where a man might learn then what makes you think that a man has any liberty to speak to another man’s wife? Particularly, sir, when dispensing advice on life and Godliness? Are you now responsible for my wife’s soul?

If your application of 1 Timothy is really that strict, then might I suggest that you direct complaints about my wife’s behavior to me, since I don’t think Scripture provides any liberty to speak to another man’s wife in that manner.

Now then, I don’t actually believe that is a proper application, otherwise, Priscilla was way out of line when she and Aquila instructed Apollos. (I suppose you might try to redeem your argument by claiming that this was acceptable because she was with her husband at the time, but then how do you know I was not with my wife when she wrote her blog post?)

I’ve been fervently and diligently searching the Word for at least as long as you, and I’ve found that, generally, when someone appeals to the authority of Scripture with statements like, “The Bible is very clear,” then they are preparing to follow up with claims that are not that clear, just as you have done. And I’m not sure if you were trying to sound prideful and arrogant when you accused Susan of being prideful and arrogant, but you nailed it if you were.

I could go on, but this is already wearisome to me…”

As you can see, my husband is my hero, and he has my full allegiance. I gladly yield to the man that God has put in authority over me.

Shut Up, Woman! (Part 1)

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

shut-up-womanBefore I continue with more posts about submission, I must make absolutely clear that the Bible never states that all women should be subject to all men, or that any random man has authority over you as a woman. This is straight from the pit of hell, and it causes women to react so strongly that they refuse to submit sweetly to their own husbands, which is sexy and beautiful and has nothing to do with inferiority.

I got a furious comment from a man about my “What Men Can Do to Lead their Wives Spiritually” post. He basically said, where do I get off telling men what to do? He slammed me with random Scriptures that were completely taken out of context. My initial reaction was this:

“I am only a sister in Christ helping my brothers in Christ as friends. I am not standing up in the church and teaching anything, and I have my husband’s authority that he is in agreement with what I have written here. If men did these things, their wives would be facilitated in following their husbands. This is the truth, and I boldly proclaim it to the world, and I will not be intimidated by you. If your ears are plugged to half the body of Christ, you are walking in sin, my dear brother.”

He responded, Scripture, Scripture, show me the Scripture. Yes, sir. Here is my official answer:

By half the body of Christ, I meant women. Women comprise half the church, and God commands us to submit one to another in the body of Christ (Ephesians 5:21), that there is no difference between male and female (Galatians 3:28), and that we are each to regard the other person as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). Furthermore, we are COMMANDED to use our spiritual gifts in the body of Christ (I Corinthians 12, Romans 12, Ephesians 4). Miriam led the entire people of Israel in worship to God. God Himself chose prophetesses in the Old Testament, who were commanded to speak to the people, who included men. In all fairness, I believe that men were supposed to do this, but that there were NO GODLY MEN.

Scripture does say that women are to be silent in the church (I Corinthians 14:34-35). I will not ignore this Scripture, because I believe there was a reason for it. Women are easily deceived (I Timothy 2:14), probably because of emotion and hormones. Many times something seemed right to me, but after talking with my husband, I set my emotion aside and engaged my brain in a more objective manner. Then I saw the situation more clearly. Whether you believe this or not doesn’t matter, though. What matters is full obedience to the Word of God, and God’s direct command is for women to submit ONLY to their own husbands.

Men are commanded to be the spiritual head of their wives most clearly in Ephesians 5:25-27, but also in I Corinthians 11:3. Titus 2:5 says that we as wives are to be subject to our own husbands, and Ephesians 5:24 says we are to be subject to our husbands in everything, and that would include being washed by the Word by our husbands. Everywhere in Scripture where men’s and women’s roles are mentioned (Colossians 3:18 is another one), the husband leads and the wife submits to his authority. And actually, if a man cherishes his wife, this whole submission thing is WONDERFUL. It’s sexy and awesome and it works.

(Stay tuned for how my husband defended me from this bigot in “Shut Up, Woman!” Part 2…)

Is Family Devotions Mandatory?

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

family-devotionsFamily devotions is one topic I take issue with, because I don’t believe it has to look a certain way. Women make themselves unlovely nags when they force their men to do family devotions. My husband, for example, leads the children with his Bible one-on-one as character issues come up, and he occasionally gathers them to read the Bible, when God is leading him to. My husband walks by the Spirit and leads our family spiritually, and he does not do family devotions.

Forcing men to do something that God has not convicted them to do can actually have the opposite effect on families, causing the children to have a negative view of reading Scripture. Truly, the man needs to go to God and have a heart for it and not just be bullied by his wife. If the man wants to lead his family one-one-one instead of as a group, that’s his prerogative, and it’s way more effective anyway. He doesn’t have to do it the way the homeschool movement has dictated for him to do it. He is free. He can rise up and do his will, and if he submits his will to God, he will be doing it right no matter what it looks like. It should look different in every family. Hearts for God is what matters, not outward form.

Men have such a wide variety of personalities, and obedience to God yields joy, not an unnecessary heavy burden that is dreaded. (Although I have to say… spiritual disciplines are often difficult to establish as habits, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do them. For a man to lead his family spiritually is a command from God that when disobeyed, causes a family to have stunted spiritual growth.)

I would like to point out that no Scripture is ever mentioned to support men doing family devotions. It is always Puritans that are quoted, as if Puritans and Scripture were identical. They are not. The general population of men in Scripture weren’t even literate. When God said for men to teach their children constantly about the things of God, it was supposed to come from their souls. God wanted them to be men of character who loved their wives and children and shepherded them in the freedom of the Lord. Yes, it’s hard work and a man has to fight against slothfulness, but a man can lead his family spiritually without doing family devotions. He can use his God-given personality, and his wife will like it. His kids will like it. There will be joy. Let’s break out of this artificial constriction and yield ourselves to God and God alone.

That said, I would like to state that when our husbands are leading our families spiritually, it is highly attractive to us as wives. Yes, I said attractive. Every Christian woman that I’ve ever mentioned this to agrees with me. When I see my husband talking to my son with his Bible open, my heart skips a beat. Even during Bible study when my husband uses his spiritual gift, my soul is uplifted and is knit to his soul in a way that makes me hunger him. I can’t explain it, but for us women, intimacy is more than the physical; it always was. During courtship there was emotional romance, which helped us to be attracted, but there is a soul attraction that is deeper than emotion and yet encompasses emotion, too. If you can align spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy for a woman… wow is all I can say. ALL Christian marriages should be this way, incredible and beautiful.

When men take a more active role in leading their families spiritually, they are often awkward and blundering, but that vulnerability is highly appealing to a woman, just like vulnerability in a woman is appealing to a man. Better to start somewhere and blunder and do it “for the wrong reasons,” and then once they get going, they get better at it and God uses them more and more effectively. If obeying out of duty is something men are reluctant to do, perhaps this highly appealing reason might do the trick. Let me tell you, obeying God yields rewards that you never dreamed were possible. At its best, it involves the crucifixion of your will and putting God’s will above your own. But until men get there, they should be allowed to blunder. It’s better than nothing, and your family needs it.

Fringe Benefits of Shepherding Your Wife

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

shepherding-your-wifeSince I have the men’s attention (from the previous article, “What a Man Can Do to Lead His Wife Spiritually”) I’m going to say something that is going to cause everyone to gasp. But this topic is clean and pure, and I want Christian marriages to be mind-blowingly good. There is a direct correlation between shepherding your wife spiritually and better intimacy.

When my husband prays with me or does anything that causes me to draw closer to God, I think he’s hot, and I want him. I’m not joking. Every Christian woman I’ve spoken to about this has said that they are highly physically attracted to their husbands when their husbands lead them spiritually.

While I’m on the subject of intimacy, I would like to mention to the women that I have an audio workshop that explains the secret of incredible intimacy with my husband. It’s only 5 minutes out of the one-hour audio “Relieving Stress and Tension,” which is hands-down the most spiritually powerful workshop I’ve ever delivered. A lot of spiritual warfare surrounded the recording of this audio, and the only copy was almost deleted by someone. I was 40 minutes late to the online workshop, so I went off the air but kept recording right where I talked about my daughter nearly drowning, and how that experience showed me how to trust God. I got so many e-mails from that workshop, and the next day I was doing rape counseling 3 hours over the phone. I’m just saying that the hand of God is on this audio, and I would love for you to listen to it.

Men, stay out. This is not for you. I am speaking directly to the women.

When you yield to God completely with everything in your being, you can translate that over to your husband. Do you realize how happy your husband will be when you do that? And you’ll be obeying God, too. Your whole marriage will be sweet. Please buy the audio.