- If you don’t know how to shepherd your wife, neither did my husband, so that’s no excuse. Ask God how to do it. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5) Each woman has a different personality and struggles in different areas. Only God knows how to do it right, so you need wisdom from God. Realize that you are already equipped by God to lead your own wife.
- You have to have a desire to do it. This desire has to be greater than the television, the computer, or whatever fun hobby you enjoy. Your ease shouldn’t be Lord. God should be Lord, and by “Lord,” I mean that you obey His commands, and this is one of them. (Ephesians 5:25-27)
- Realize the incredible power you have over your wife – she will be stunted in her spiritual growth if you do nothing. When you stand before God, you don’t want to be ashamed, for you are truly responsible for your wife’s spiritual life.
- Be nice. If you’re harsh, it only wounds your wife. Speak the truth in love. Don’t be afraid of silence, and in the silence, ask God for wisdom. This is what my husband does. Ask God for the words that you need to say to your wife. He will give them to you. Expect an answer from God, and you will get it. Also, realize that your wife can only be changed by God, so you want God to be involved.
- Realize that it might take an hour. Don’t assume that the conversation will only last five minutes. Don’t rush. Stay with it until growth occurs. Don’t have a plan to do something else right then. You must do this and only this until it’s done. Relax and be in the moment. Don’t have your mind somewhere else.
- Encourage your wife to share her struggles. The fact that she sins is embarrassing to her, and she would rather not say it. So you need to be interested in your wife’s struggles. If you’re not, you don’t really love your wife. If this is the case, go ahead and ask God for a supernatural love for your wife, because God will give it to you. (If you ask anything according to His will, it will be granted, so God will for sure give you a love for your wife if you ask.)
- I asked my husband for the nuts and bolts of how he shepherds me, for other men to know. After thinking long and hard, he said something that can apply to almost any situation your wife is struggling with, as far as relationships with other people. He said, “We can’t change the other person who sins against us. We can only change ourselves. If we humble ourselves, that usually resolves the problem with another person.”
If you would like to print out this list, here is the PDF:
Yep, that is a part of Alcoholics Anonymous program. I can change myself others I can only love.
That’s interesting, Amy. I didn’t know that was a part of Alcoholics Anonymous, but it makes sense. You can control yourself, but you can’t control others.