Susan's Homeschool Blog

There was once a woman from church who had wounded me deeply with her cold and heartless behavior, and after humbling myself to her, she still didn’t care. Every time I thought of her, a lump would rise in my throat and I wanted to cry. What she had done was wrong.

Years passed, and I prayed for her every day. God gave me such a huge love for her. Every time I saw her at church, I felt happy to see her, and I smiled sincerely. But we had the unresolved issue, which tore at my heart. Sometimes at night I couldn’t sleep, and I would obsess about what I could do to make things right. Maybe I could humble myself more. Maybe if I said just the right thing, we would be real friends instead of fake friends, pretending that everything was okay when it wasn’t.

Sometimes months would go by without my thinking about it. And then suddenly, I would be sitting in the dark living room in the middle of the night, crying about it. Would it ever go away?

My husband was so patient, and many times after talking to him about it or praying, it would go away. But then it would come back again.

Finally one day I called my mentor and talked to her about it. I said, “I know that I’m sinning. Please rebuke me. I have no idea what the heart of the problem is. Maybe I’m bitter against her. But I feel sweet towards her every week when I see her at church. Am I bitter? Please tell me how to get rid of this sin. I’ll do whatever it takes. Anything. Just tell me what to do.”

“Susan,” said my mentor gently. “You are not bitter. If you feel no anger when you see her, that is not the issue. All it is, is this: you are being tempted by the enemy to think about it. When it presents itself to your mind, you have not sinned yet. It is just a temptation. Throw it out the minute it comes into your mind.”

Those words set me free. Even though the situation was unresolved at that point, I had complete peace in my heart and never thought of it again.

This is how powerful a mentor can be for you. That’s why Scripture commands it in Titus 2. My mentor has done this countless times in my life. When I have sin, I call her, rip open my soul, and let her have at it. She will pinpoint sin. It will hurt. She will help me get rid of it. Then it is gone, and a burden is lifted.

Your church probably has gray-haired women just sitting there, desperately wanting to make a difference in someone’s life. Instead they are treated like babies and talked down to like babies. Many of these gray haired women are a treasure trove of wisdom. Go ahead and get to know them.

Every woman needs a good mentor, preferably with gray hair. Gray hair proves that you’ve lived a long time, and that you have perspective on life, on what is important and what isn’t. I just love hanging out with old geezers, and I say that with all the love in my heart. Go find one at your church. You’ll see what I mean.

My mentor actually isn’t that old. I made her sound like she’s decrepit. She’s probably only 60. Which is young. (ahem)

That was me clearing my throat. Just in case she’s reading this.

All kidding aside, I have leaned on my mentor in times of distress in my life, where she gave me an outside perspective. If you have huge sorrow or some other problem that your husband is sick of hearing about, it really helps to have a woman friend who understands another human being who has hormones. Often my mentor will tell me something life-changing, and I’ll go run and tell my husband.

“That’s what I told you. How come you have to have a woman tell you for you to accept it?” my husband would say.

“Huh? I don’t remember you telling me that,” I would respond, to which he would insist, “I did.”

Basically, God wants to get through to you, and you sometimes have a mental block against male words that don’t seem to make sense because they’re so brief and said in an off-handed manner while you’re making dinner and unloading the dishwasher at the same time. But then your mentor says the same thing, and she settles in and says it in girl language, and then it suddenly all makes sense.

By the way, this does not replace your relationship with your husband as spiritual leader over you in any way. This is in addition to your husband, because Scripture commands us to have relationships with other believers in the body of Christ.

(Stay tuned for part 2…)