Here is a list of the world’s worst stocking stuffers:
- Rotten potato
- Fruitcake
- Dental floss
- Underwear
- Old sticks of gum that are stiff as a board
- Broken glass
- Rusty nails
- Cigarette butts
- Cow pies
- A lump of coal
Posts Tagged ‘humor’
World’s Worst Stocking Stuffers
Friday, December 2nd, 2011Susan’s Wacky Travel Tips (Road Trip Edition)
Friday, November 11th, 2011
Here are the top 10 best travel tips for road trips with children:
- Forget barf bags. Pull over and open the sliding door.
- If you have a family of 6 or more, you should probably get two rooms, or you’ll be stepping on your children during the night.
- Choose motels without neon signs, bullet holes, or sirens going off in the parking lot. (Honey, if you’re reading this, please pay attention for next time.)
- Charge your children a dollar for every time they say, “Are we there yet?” and you’ll have enough money to buy them snacks at the next gas station.
- Wear ear plugs, and you will enter a peaceful haven of bliss. If someone tries to get your attention, just smile and nod calmly.
- If you don’t have a headache, go ahead and play music or listen to a book on CD. Or play games and pretend you’re excited about playing them.
- Try to drive your spouse bonkers by singing rounds with your kids, old MacDonald with so many animals that couldn’t have possibly been at the farm, or cheerfully singing “This is the Song that Never Ends.”
- Stop at sights along the way to give the illusion that you’re actually on vacation.
- If your motel bed is broken and the toilet overflowing and you’ve just walked into the room, go ahead and ask to be put into another room. (They actually gave us two rooms for the price of one!) Otherwise if you sleep on the broken bed, you will feel like you are constantly trying to dig yourself out of a grave. (If you’ve slept on a broken bed, you know exactly what I’m saying.)
- And now for number 10… Drum roll, please… Take lots of pictures, because you want to remember this miserable road trip as having been fun, dang it.
You Know You’re the Mother of Boys When…
Thursday, September 22nd, 2011
You know you’re the mother of boys when…
…the noise pollution in your house exceeds the volume of the thoughts in your head.
…on the way to the kitchen to make dinner, you get hit with a nerf dart.
…you can’t find one of your boys in a tangle of arms and legs on the living room floor.
…their conversation about electronics goes over your head.
…they make silly faces to cheer someone up.
…you accidentally step on Legos in the middle of the night.
…the first thing they do when they get out of the car is run.
…you catch your boy red-handed, and he doesn’t deny that he did it.
…your kids would rather climb trees than stay in the house.
…every stick in the forest becomes a weapon.
…you read a great work of literature, and half your kids are standing on their heads.
Only A Homeschooler…
Thursday, March 17th, 2011
I got up this morning and was making coffee. My 9-year-old son was sitting there, doing nothing. “How come you’re not doing your math?”
“I finished it at 3 o’clock this morning.”
“What?! Did you go back to bed?”
“Yes.”
“Did you go back to sleep again?”
“Yes.” His eyes glazed over as he stared at the floor.
“Don’t do that any more,” I said.
“Okay.”
