My husband pulled away from the house, ten minutes late in taking our son to karate. (I watch the other three kids and make dinner while he takes one son to karate twice a week.) Resuming my conversation with my sister, which was about some deep spiritual issue, she stopped and commented on how sweet I had been to my husband.
I thought, “What on earth?” The conversation I had with my husband was awkward. But she thought it was sweet. I tried to remember what I said.
I had been on the phone with my sister for an hour and a half, and the call waiting had clicked on twice. I held it away from my face to see that it was an 800 number, meaning that it was a telemarketer. I didn’t bother to check it the second time, since I usually ignore it anyway.
I figured that if it had been my husband, he could have called my cell phone. I glanced down and saw my cell phone on the table beside my bed where I was sitting.
I made sure my son was dressed for karate with shoes on ten minutes previously because I realized my husband was late. When I heard the garage door opening, I stood at the top of the stairs. I knew that my husband was leaving immediately, so I didn’t want to hang up with my sister. I felt bad that I wasn’t giving my husband my full attention, so before he came through the door, I said to my sister, “Hang on,” and I lowered the phone from my face, holding it low enough that he wouldn’t see it, giving him the illusion that he had my undivided attention.
Okay, so here was the awkward conversation:
“I tried to call you,” said my husband, “but no one answered the phone.”
“I’m on the phone with my sister,” I said, slightly blushing, showing him the phone I was hiding. “I heard the call waiting, but it was an 800 number. Well, it clicked on twice, and I ignored it the second time. I figured if it was you, you could have called my cell phone.”
“Why would I call your cell phone? You never have it with you. Every time I’m at home and I call your cell phone, I hear it ringing in the other room.” He was smiling when he said this.
“I’m sorry…” I said, laughing, making a mental note to take my cell phone with me to Zumba, even though it could easily get stolen on the floor at the side of the gym with 150 women. I widened my eyes to remind him he was late. Yes, my eyes were shooing him out the door. This is why I felt the conversation was awkward.
My sister said, “Any other woman would have yelled at her husband, that he could have called her cell phone.” Apparently the tone that I used with my husband was sweet.
I’m still puzzled about it, but I guess the tone we use with our husbands matters in our interactions with them. Even in awkward situations, if our tone is kind, the other person is amused instead of angry…
Last night Alan and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. When the waiter came to the table, he told us that he was about to get married in a couple of weeks. He turned to my husband and asked him what he needed to know to get to his 15th anniversary. “What is your secret?” he asked, and he was earnestly wanting to know. People who see my husband and I together notice that we are one and are comfortable with each other, act sweet with each other, and still have chemistry.
My husband paused a moment before answering, “Love is an act of the will. If you believe that love is a feeling, you won’t last, because a few months into the marriage, you’ll be sick of each other. Feelings come and go.”
